Grief Management

The death of a loved one is the most painful ordeal you will face in life. While there is nothing you can do about the fact someone you love has died, what you can do is learn to change your perspective on death.

This page offers resources and coping strategies for those grappling with the death of a loved one. Even if you haven’t lost a loved one you will know someone who has. It is important to make sure you offer understanding and emotional support to someone enduring the pain of grief. If you don’t know what to say to someone who has suffered a loss the section entitled “THE BEST AND WORST THINGS TO SAY TO SOMEONE IN GRIEF” may help you find the right words to say.

There is no cure for grief and there is no substitute for grieving, but to understand the process and to understand the transition from living in the material world to living in the spiritual world may lighten the load of grief.

Mark Anthony has devoted his life to helping people understand that God exists, The Afterlife exists, our soul is an immortal living spirit, communication with souls is possible and that we will be reunited with our loved ones on the Other Side when it is our appointed time to leave this life. However, in the meantime, we must learn to cope with this heavy load.

Mark discusses these topics in great detail in his books, Never Letting Go: Healing Grief with Help from the Other Side and Evidence of Eternity: Communicating with Spirits for Proof of the Afterlife. Both of Mark’s books are major spiritual bestsellers and recommended by hospice organizations and grief counselors worldwide.

NEVER LETTING GO is one book that everyone should read whether or not they have gone through losing someone close in your life. ~Judy Shields,

The Hollywood Times

In EVIDENCE OF ETERNITY, Mark addresses murder, suicide, death of children and unresolved family issues with a mix of passion and logic like no other. ~William Buhlman of The Monroe Institute for Out of Body Experiences

Many times after the death of a loved one, the survivors are searching for answers and means of coping with the loss. These resources offer some direction and advice. Click on the following links. They may help guide you on your journey through grief:

POSITIVE WAYS OF COPING WITH GRIEF

Losing a loved one is the most stressful event anyone can endure. It is also one of the most human of events for it brings forth so many different feelings and emotions. It is a time to mourn, a time to reflect, and a time for love. Perhaps we all grieve differently, however, we all grieve.

Bereavement is a difficult journey and something we get through, not get over. Although grief is a condition everyone must endure, it is important not to let grief dominate your life, and in essence, become your life. Avoiding grieving the loss of a loved one, is not a healthy alternative to working through the grief to arrive at a new normalcy and deeper awareness and fullness of life. The following is a list of some coping strategies the survivors may find useful:

  • Turning to God. Even if this means being angry at God for a short time, God understands us. Even if we blame God for our sorrows, God will help us find the inner strength to endure this time of hardship.
  • Embracing one’s faith. Most major religions of the world agree physical death is not the end of our existence. Finding comfort, solace, and answers from faith may be reassuring and bring hope.
  • Connecting with one’s faith community. Most faith communities will have grief share programs or other means to assist people suffering the loss of a loved one. Now is the time to seek out help from compassionate people.
  • Reach out to family members and close friends. Don’t go through grief alone. This is the time to reach out to those who care for you and love you. They too may be experiencing the pain you are enduring. Facing difficulty together is better than facing it alone.
  • Indulge in uplifting activities. These activities may be as esoteric as studying philosophy or as centering as planting a tree. Perhaps it is even finding a beautiful place to release the ashes of a loved one. Sometimes just walking through a garden can be uplifting. These things can be healing in nature and may bring us closer to our awareness of God.
  • Meditation, centering Prayer and stress reduction techniques.These contemplative disciplines can help to control stress and allow one to find a deeper state of awareness or relaxation. Meditation and Prayer may assist in one’s spiritual development by clearing the mind of the day to day stress, and allow one to focus on the grace of God.
  • Grief Counseling. (Support groups or individual therapy). It helps to be able to discuss and even vent your feelings to people who understand. Most people have experienced the loss of a loved one, and being able to “be yourself” in a non-judgmental environment can be healing.
  • Consult with a health professional. Grieving is a tremendous physical drain on the human body. You may wish to consult with a health professional for information on supplements or dietary changes which may be necessary to bring the body into a healthy balance. In some instances properly prescribed medications may be beneficial.
  • Avoiding stressful situations and decisions. This is important especially in the initial stages of grief when people are not always exercising their best judgment. In particular, don’t try to make financial decisions that can be postponed. Don’t sell the house for the first year and consult legitimate financial advisors and professionals to help with these and other financial details.
  • Physical exercise. This is an excellent way to “take the edge” off the physical symptoms of grief. Studies show that physical exercise releases endorphins into the body which can alleviate stress and mental anxiety.
  • Allow yourself to observe special anniversary dates. This may mean sharing a meal with a friend or family members on the birthday of the loved one who passed, or just saying a prayer on the day that person passed. Instead of trying to ignore dates which remind you of the loved one who passed, embrace them and use them as a time to honor the person who brought so much love into your life.
  • Express your feelings in a creative way. The creative process can often help people cope with emotional pain, sadness and depression. For example, write a letter to your loved one who has passed or keep a journal of your feelings. Like physical exercise, expressing feelings in writing can also “take the edge” off of the symptoms of grief. By keeping a journal of your journey through grief, you can periodically refer back to an earlier entry to see how you have progressed in healing. Creativity is a gift from God, and when used as a means to turn a negative into a positive, it becomes a blessing from God. Some of the greatest works of art, literature, and music have been created by people who were expressing their pain in a creative fashion.
  • Give yourself time to grieve. This is all too often disregarded in our society. In the United States, most employers allow 3 days leave for bereavement. The idea that one only feels grief for 3 days is unrealistic, if not absurd. The reality is that grief usually takes 18 months to 3 years, sometimes 5 years to fully process. So, don’t put unrealistic demands upon yourself to “get over it.” Instead let yourself heal according to your own time frame.
  • Have a good cry! Recent medical studies have found that tears of grief actually contain stress hormones and other toxins which cause grief. Crying not only purges these chemicals from your body it also stimulates production of endorphins which are the “feel good” hormones in our body. Crying doesn’t make one weak, it can actually strengthen you emotionally and physically. So, if you feel the urge to shed tears of grief for a deceased loved one–do it! It will make you feel better.
  • Making contact with your loved one who is in spirit. Contact with the spirit of your loved one can be an important therapeutic step in the journey through grief. It will help you to understand that your loved one has not ceased to exist, only that he or she has transferred to a different dimension. It can also help you to understand that your relationship with this loved one has transformed from one of a physical nature to one of a spiritual nature.

The journey through grief is a long one and it is important to give oneself time to grieve and to endure the overwhelming emotions that often accompany grief. Everyone moves at his or her own pace and along this path there will be circumstances which hinder one’s progress and circumstances which assist one’s progress. It may even take a lifetime to reach the desired goals of acceptance and inner peace.

Achieving acceptance and inner peace does not mean the survivor will feel the same way every day. As time passes, the interval of waves of grief become farther and farther apart and their intensity diminishes. As this occurs, some begin to think that it is disloyal to feel better. That is not the case. Your loved one on The Other Side sees and feels your pain and also rejoices when you eventually feel good again, even while recognizing you still love and often miss the one who has crossed over to The Other Side.

As a medium, Mark Anthony believes making contact with a loved one on The Other Side can help someone in the journey through grief. “It is therapeutic to know that the soul is immortal and we truly survive our physical death,” Mark said, “While spirit contact through a medium will not end the suffering of the bereaved, it may help that person obtain a different perspective on death. This new perspective may transform the feeling of the finality of death into the realization death is merely the transference of our energy, of who we are, to a higher realm.”

THE IMMORTALITY OF THE SOUL

It is normal to believe that you have lost someone you love when that person’s physical body ceases to function. However, we never “lose” anyone because we never cease to exist. A person does not have a soul, a person is the soul, and the soul is immortal.

When asked about his belief in life after death, Mark said, “I believe in God, in Heaven which I call The Other Side, in an Afterlife, and in the immortality of our souls. I also know it is possible to contact those who have crossed over to The Other Side. How you choose to believe in God, and how you interpret spiritual immortality, is always deeply personal.”

When asked, “Why we must endure the pain of losing a loved one?” Mark replied, “I don’t know if anyone on this side of existence can really explain that. But I do know, death isn’t sad for the one who died. It’s only sad for those left behind. Physical death is the transformation our souls must go through to  achieve the elevated state of existence, which is spiritual freedom. I’ve found a poem entitled, ‘I’m Free’ by a Christian poet, Shannon Lee Moseley, which does a beautiful job of explaining this. I’ve found it comforting during a time of loss.”

Don’t grieve for me, for now I’m free.
I’m following the path God laid for me.
I took God’s hand when I heard the call;
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work, to play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way,
I found that place at the close of day.

If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss.
Ah yes, these things, I too, will miss.

Be not bothered with times of sorrow,
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow,
My life’s been full, I savored much,
Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief;
Don’t lengthen it now with undo grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me,
God wanted me now, God set me free.

As one who communicates with spirits of those who have crossed to The Other Side, Mark believes our faith can guide us to an uplifting perspective on death. “What frightens many people about death is the perception it’s the end.” Mark said, “A more positive way to look at physical death is that it’s a new beginning. No one should ever intentionally cut his or her life short. We are here to learn, and everyone must go through all of the trials, tribulations, and life lessons that are before us. When we have completed the lessons as God intended, we return to God.”

“My mother was Roman Catholic and my father was Baptist, so I was raised in a Christian environment,” Mark explained, “I accept the teachings of Jesus, and I believe we are all the children of God, and that we were created in the image of God. God is the immortal spiritual being, and our spirits were created in God’s image, a spirit which lives on even after bodily death. Because we are spirits temporarily encased in a physical body, when that physical body ceases to function, we return to our immortal existence with God.”

The dust returns to the earth as it was, and the spirit returns to God who gave it.

Judaism and Christianity. Ecclesiastes 12.7

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor decay destroy, nor thieves break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.

Christianity. Matthew 6:19-21

As a scholar, Mark has found most religions of the world agree there is an Afterlife. To fully understand all the religions of the world would take lifetimes, yet most of these religions have overlapping teachings. As the spiritually-oriented Beatle, the late George Harrison once said, “All religions are branches of one big tree. It doesn’t matter what you call Him, just as long as you call.” Despite their other philosophical and cultural differences, most major religions agree that physical death does not end spiritual existence.

The body is the sheath of the soul.

Judaism. Talmud, Sanhedrin 108a

You prefer this life, although the life to come is better and more enduring.All this is written in

earlier scriptures; the scriptures of Abraham and Moses.

Islam. Qur’an 87.16-19

Now my breath and spirit goes to the Immortal, and this body ends in ashes; O Mind! Remember. Remember the deeds. Remember the actions.

Hinduism. Isha Upanishad 17

One who identifies himself with his soul regards bodily transmigration of his soul

at death fearlessly, like changing one cloth for another.

Jainism. Pujyapada, Samadhishataka 77

Matter has no life, hence it has not real existence. Mind is immortal.

Christian Science. Science and Health, 584.

Relatives and friends and well-wishers rejoice at the arrival of a man who had been long absent and has returned home safely from afar. Likewise, meritorious deeds will receive the good person upon his arrival in the next world, as relatives welcome a dear one on his return.

Buddhism. Dhammapada 219-20

Birth is not a beginning; death is not an end. There is existence without limitation; there is

continuity without a starting point. Existence without limitation is space. Continuity without a starting point is time. There is birth, there is death, there is issuing forth, there is entering in. That through which one passes in and out without seeing its form, that is the Portal of God.

Taoism. Chuang Tzu 23

Man’s real nature is primarily spiritual life, which weaves its threads of mind to build a cocoon of flesh, encloses its own soul in the cocoon, and, for the first time, the spirit becomes flesh. Understand this clearly: The cocoon is not the silkworm; in the same way, the physical body is not man but merely man’s cocoon. Just as the silkworm will break out of its cocoon and fly free, so, too, will man break out of his body-cocoon and ascend to the spiritual world when his time is come. Never think that the death of the physical body is the death of man. Since man is life, he will never know death.

Seicho-no-Ie. Nectarean Show of Holy Doctrines

All the living must die, and dying, return to the ground; this is what is called kuei. The bones and flesh molder below, and, hidden away, become the earth of the fields. But the spirit issues forth, and is displayed on high in a condition of glorious brightness.

Confucianism. Book of Ritual 21.2.1

Some day the Great Chief Above will overturn the mountains and the rocks. Then the spirits that once lived in the bones buried there will go back into them. At present those spirits live in the tops of the mountains, watching their children on earth and waiting for the great change which is to come. The voices of these spirits can be heard in the mountains at all times. Mourners who wail for their dead hear spirit voices reply, and thus they know that their lost ones are always near.

Native American Religions. Yakima Tradition

The world beyond is as different from this world as this world is different from that of the child while still in the womb of its mother. When the soul attains the Presence of God, it will assume the form that best befits its immortality and is worth of its celestial habitation. Such an existence is a contingent and not an absolute existence, inasmuch as the former is preceded by a cause, whilst the latter is independent thereof. Absolute existence is strictly confined to God, exalted be His Glory.

Baha’i Faith. Gleanings from the Writings of Baha’u’llah 81

One breath pervades all, what point is any weeping over another? Man wails over the loss of what he calls his: Know, the Self is not perishable.

Sikhism. Adi Granth, Gauri, M.5, p. 188

The Way of death is found in one’s own mind and no other;

Inquire of it in your own heart,

In your own mind.

Leave to the kami the path ahead;

The road of the returning soul is not dark

To the land of Yomi,

To the world beyond.

Shinto. Naokata Nakanishi, from: One Hundred Poems on The Way of Death

We are on a market trip on earth;

Whether we fill our baskets or not,

Once the time is up, we go home.

African Traditional Religions. Igbo Song (Nigeria)

Eight centuries ago, words attributed to St. Francis of Assisi concisely explained what most religions teach, “In dying, we are born to eternal life.” St. Francis understood we are spiritual beings having a material experience and when we leave the physical world, who we are, our consciousness, is transferred to the spiritual level of existence.

“One of the most uplifting things I’ve learned is love transcends physical death.” Mark said, “Our body may die, but our soul doesn’t. The soul can’t die because, as beings created in God’s image, we never cease to exist. Instead we begin a new life on The Other Side. Our soul encompasses our consciousness, our memories, our personality and all our love. Who we are lives on after physical death. Love is why spirits make an effort to communicate with us. Spirits still love us and because they can feel our pain, there is a desire to help us heal from the pain of grieving. Spirits reach out to let us know that love is eternal.”

SPIRIT CONTACT AS A TOOL IN HEALING FROM GRIEF

Medium Mark Anthony uses his mediumistic ability to help people connect with their loved ones in Heaven, which he often refers to as “The Other Side.”

“I believe in God, Heaven, an Afterlife, and the immortality of our soul,” Mark said, “I also believe it is possible to contact those who have crossed over to The Other Side.”

No one is immune from losing a loved one, and the pain of death and loss comes to each one of us. Healing from the grief of loss is a road everyone is forced down at some point in life, and it is a path no one wants to take. Finding the right path through grief is basic human survival.

“It must be remembered,” Mark said, “that a medium can help you to make a connection with a loved one who has crossed over, but spirit contact will not take away all of the pain of what happened. For many people, it can be an important step in healing from the pain of loss.”

As a medium, Mark believes making contact with a loved one on The Other Side can help someone achieve a different perspective on death. Nevertheless, it is important to give oneself time to grieve, feel and work through the emotions that accompany grief.

“A grieving person misses the physical presence of a loved one. It is difficult to cope with the reality of not being physically with of someone you’ve loved. However, a loved one never truly leaves, and it is essential to understanding that a relationship which was once both physical and spiritual is now a purely spiritual relationship.” Mark said, “What I mean by this is when a person physically dies, the person’s spirit crosses to The Other Side. The spirit can and will come to you and reach out to you from The Other Side. A spirit is in a place of love and forgiveness, and wants to help a suffering loved one get past the suffering associated with grieving.”

Many people are able to feel the spiritual presence of a loved one near them. Some make contact in dreams. Others experience seeing or hearing a loved one who has passed, or an object of a sentimental nature which is connected to the deceased loved one may be moved with no explanation of how that object was relocated. A few report unusual phenomena of an electrical nature. Mark believes such contact can be real.

Sometimes, to cope with the passing of a loved one, a more direct contact is needed. “Many people may find spirit contact with one who has passed as reassuring and comforting to know a loved one continues to exist, to love, to be aware of us, to feel our unresolved issues concerning the loved one, and even our need to know that person is okay in this new place,” Mark said. Spirit contact can be a therapeutic tool in the healing process.

“It is essential for the bereaved to learn to let go of the sorrow connected with death, but hold onto the love for the person who passed,” Mark said, “ and over time, surviving the grieving process, will bring acceptance and inner peace with the passing of a loved one.”

For information on scheduling a session with Mark, just click here.

PRAYERS FOR HELP

Prayer is a means of linking one’s spirit, mind, and heart to God. Prayers may be said in order to worship God, give thanks to God, ask forgiveness of God and request help from God. Prayers entail thought and love for God and may be spoken aloud, or said quietly within one’s mind. They may be personal and meditative, or public and social. Prayers do not need to follow any specific wording or guidelines, although many people find that helpful. Sometimes all that is necessary is to call upon God for guidance. In times of darkness, prayer is a way to find the Light.

Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you. Psalm 52.22

The following are some prayers which may be helpful for anyone seeking comfort, or as a contemplative means of reaching out to God.

Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

Attributed to St. Francis

LORD, make me an instrument of your peace;
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.
O DIVINE MASTER,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Amen.

A Prayer for Courage and Faith

Mark Anthony

Believe in yourself, but believe in God,
Believe in yourself, and accept the will of God,
Believe in yourself, and have no fear,
For the presence of God, is always near.
Amen.

Prayer for Light

By Lydia Clark

O God of love
The Peace of Heaven is your gift
Grant Peace and Light to all who have journeyed on
And free them from any anxieties
Give understanding to those of us left behind
Help us to become a beacon of light that will
Spread rays towards your love and peace on earth.
Help us to be clean of mind and spirit
So that we may fulfill your desires
For the Enlightenment of those on earth.
Make us one with You in Love
Forever
Amen

Prayer for Help of The Holy Spirit

Associated with St. Anthony of Padua

O God, send forth your
Holy Spirit upon me;
guide all my thoughts and
actions so that my whole life
will be pleasing to You;
be with me in times of trial;
stay close to me when I am
weak in body and soul;
give me the strength, courage
and grace to do Your Holy will
in all things; never let me
be separated from You
in thought, word, or deed.
Amen

Giving Thanks for this Life

by Omar Khayyam

Be happy for this moment.
This moment is your life.
Living Life Tomorrow’s fate,
Though thou be wise,
Thou canst not tell nor yet surmise;
Pass, therefore, not today in vain,
For it will never come again.
The Moving Finger writes; and, having written,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a word of it.
Ah, make the most of what yet we may spend,
Before we too into dust descend.

AFFIRMATIONS

We manifest what we think. This manifestation can be positive or negative. Grieving the loss of a loved one can fill our minds and hearts with many sad and painful feelings. It is healing to replace negative thoughts with more positive ones. An affirmation is a way of doing this.

Affirmations are positive thoughts or statements reinforcing a desired goal which has been reached or is within reach. In times of sadness, affirmations can help to uplift one from a negative to a more positive state of mind. Some people like to think of affirmations as short prayers asking for God’s assistance.

An Affirmation may be said repeatedly, or only once. The following are some basic affirmations which have been useful to many bereaved people. Some may resonate with you more then others do. Feel free to use any or all of them in your journey through grief, or to develop your own.

  • I now let go of my sorrow, but hold onto my love for (loved one).
  • I trust God to guide me through this time, and I take the first step to do it.
  • I am thankful for the time I shared with (loved one).
  • I am a clear channel for God’s peace, love and Light.
  • I now let go, and let God.
  • I choose love, I choose to heal.
  • I choose to accept and love myself.
  • Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.
  • I must accept what I cannot change.
  • I now do unto others, as I would have them do unto me.
  • I now have compassion, even for those I do not understand.
  • I treasure every day I am living.
  • My life has value and others appreciate who I am.

Every day is a gift from God and we must use that gift wisely and with love. Some days though, may not feel like a gift, because they are full of hardship and sadness. On those days we may need some hope to help us cope. Affirmations can help by being a tool to lift us up when we feel down. They are a way to remind us to choose love over sorrow and to summon our inner strength when circumstances make us feel weak. Affirmations are also a means of asking God for guidance during times of hardship, and thanking God for our blessings during times of joy.

THE BEST AND WORST THINGS TO SAY TO SOMEONE IN GRIEF.

When someone you know has lost a loved one, it is natural to want to comfort and offer words of consolation. However, you must be careful what you say because sometimes what you may think are words of consolation may actually be hurtful to the bereaved person. Saying things like “She is in a better place” or “He’s better off” can be offensive. For a person grieving, the better place for a loved one is here, not on the Other Side. Telling someone a loved one is better off dead will most likely be taken as a cold and callous comment.

The best things to say are those of a supportive nature. Stay away from judgments about the deceased person or his/her behavior. This is especially true in cases of suicide. Your place is to console, not to judge.

Acknowledge the person’s loss and avoid saying things like “I’m glad it was you and not me.”  Don’t tell anyone what to do or to change his or her feelings. Don’t ask anything of a bereaved person other than what you might be able to do to help. Don’t put time limits on grief and say things like, “Time heals all” or “Life goes on.”

The following are some suggestions of what not to say and what to say:

Things Not to Say to Someone in Grief:

  1. You’ll get through it, be strong.
  2. He brought this on himself, it was his fault.
  3. She’s in a better place.
  4. It’s been a while, aren’t you over her yet?
  5. He lived a long time, at least he didn’t die young.
  6. God must have wanted her there because she was such a good person.
  7. You’re young. You can always have another child.
  8. I know exactly how you feel.
  9. I guess it was his time to go.
  10. Everything happens for a reason, life goes on.

Things to Say to Someone in Grief:

  1. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.
  2. I’m so sorry for your loss.
  3. I don’t know what to say, I wish I had the right words to comfort you.
  4. You, your family and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.
  5. She was so nice to me; one of my favorite memories of her was…(share a happy memory of the person who passed)
  6. Whenever you want to talk, just know I am a phone call away.
  7. She was so wonderful, she’ll be missed by so many people.
  8. I’m your friend—I’m here for you.
  9. If you can’t think of anything to say, a hug may be appropriate,
  10. Sometimes just be with the person, you don’t have to say anything.

Remember, grieving the loss of a loved one is the worst pain someone can endure. Be respectful and polite. Don’t discount anyone’s feelings. Even if someone puts on a brave face and looks like he or she is handling it well, don’t assume that person is. Show that you care. Actions often speak louder then words. Offer to take them to the grocery store, watch the children for an afternoon, and help around the house. These gestures mean a lot to a person whose world has just been turned upside down.

NEVER LETTING GO: Heal Grief with Help from the Other Side is the International Best Seller by Mark Anthony the Psychic Lawyer®. This riveting and comforting page turner is an inspirational and healing guide on the journey through grief. For more information about NEVER LETTING GO please visit: http://www.evidenceofeternity.com/media-room/never-letting-go/

His new groundbreaking book EVIDENCE OF ETERNITY is a major bestseller which bridges the gap between the spiritual and the scientific. This groundbreaking book introduces new concepts and theories to explain the afterlife and the existence of a soul based on science, theoretical physics, human physiology, evidence and faith.

EVIDENCE OF ETERNITY has been submitted for a Pulitzer Prize.  To order your copy visit: http://www.evidenceofeternity.com/media-room/marks-book-evidence-of-eternity/

For information on Mark Anthony’s media and public appearances, please go to the Calendar of Events on the right side of this page.

Peace Be With You.

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